Chapter 1: A Problem is Born

It was a sunny day. The clouds were few and far between, the lake was glimmering in the sunshine and the daisies were smiling gaily. Suddenly a yellow foot crushed a few daisies flat.

”LEMON! I told you not to step on the daisies!” A fox was scowling at a yellow cat which had one foot in a bed of daisies.

”No you didn’t!” Protested Lemon.

”She did tell you,” said a small frog with an even smaller daisy on its head. “I heard her.”

”Oh, um, hello Froggy. I didn’t know you were listening,” said Lemon sheepishly.

”Quit standing on the daisies!” Said Nightshade impatiently.

A few minutes later Nightshade was scolding Lemon and Froggy was napping on a lily pad. All of a sudden a lady with black hair, green ribbons, a puffy red dress, stubble, big shiny lips and a wattle wandered over. She looked around, then walked through the daisies.

”Excuse me, ma’am, but please keep off the daisies!” Nightshade was quite annoyed by now.

”Why shouldn’t I?” Said the lady. “I’m Princess Terrett, I am, and who are you to stop me walking through the daisies?” She leaned up close to Nightshade and frowned.

Nightshade backed away from Princess Terrett and muttered something about uncivilized hooligans and not wasting time with that lot.

Lemon went up to Princess Terrett and said, “Sorry Miss Princess Terrett for my friend’s rudeness whoaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”

Lemon tripped on a sleeping Froggy and fell down. To steady himself he grabbed Princess Terrett’s dress. To everyone’s surprise it ripped.

“You,” said Princess Terrett, turning to face the cat, “will pay for that!”

”Uh-oh,” said Froggy worriedly.

”Trouble,” agreed Nightshade.

Chapter 2: The Twelve Tasks

“You,” said Princess Terrett, “will pay for that!”

” I-I didn’t do anything,” protested the shamefaced yellow cat.

”Yes you did!” Exclaimed the fox. “You ripped her dress, you tit!” (A tit is a type of bird-not a rude word.)

”Hey, thanks for your loving support, Nightshade,” said the cat sarcastically.

”But you did, Lemon.” A small frog with a tiny daisy on its head hopped near the cat’s feet.

”Et tu, Froggy?” Said Lemon, desperately.

” I didn’t know you had the intellectual capacity to know Julius Caesar quotes, Lemon.” Nightshade looked unusually interested in the proceedings.

Princess Terrett grabbed Lemon’s tail and lifted him up. Lemon howled with pain.

“I am going to give you twelve tasks,” growled Princess Terrett, “and if you don’t complete them I will feed you to my SA monster!”

”Nooooooooooo… My life is over,” moaned Lemon.

”SILENCE!!!!!!!” Roared Princess Terrett. “Your tasks are:

1. Explain your view of the universe in less than 10 words.

2. Get a better score than Test-Bot on the next test.

3. Memorize 28535926 books.

4. Run 50 meters in 7 seconds.

5. Listen to my 56-hour lecture without falling asleep.

6. Draw a 100% accurate picture of me.

7. Climb the burj khalifa.  (the tallest building in the world)

8. Learn a new language.

9. Cut my toenails.

10. Wash my Princessmobile.

11. Survive one night in my classroom.

12. Defeat my SA monster.

This is, of course, referencing the twelve tasks of Hercules.”

””BUH?!?!?” Said Lemon.

”Seriously, Lemon,” said Nightshade, “you know a Julius Caesar quote but don’t know Hercules? What is wrong with your literacy?”

”Shouldn’t we help Lemon?” Froggy asked.

Nightshade turned to Princess Terrett. “Hercules got help on his quest, if this fiasco is based on the twelve tasks of Hercules it’s only fair that I and Froggy may assist Lemon.”

”Fine. Help your troublesome companion,” said Princess Terrett, “but remember there were also some people who would not let Hercules win no matter what.”

”WUH?!?!?” Exclaimed Lemon.

”You’re comparing yourself to Juno, queen of the Greek gods?” Said Nightshade. “Team, we need a plan. This lady is hardcore.”

”Dooooooomed,” moaned Lemon.

(If you are not familiar with Greek mythology, GET FAMILIAR WITH IT or this story won’t make sense.)

Chapter 3: Explain the Universe in Less Than 10 Words

“How do we do this?” Pondered the fox.

”This is easy, Nightshade! I thought you were the clever one!” Said the small yellow cat.

”But, Lemon,” said the tiny frog, “you can’t explain your view of the universe in less than ten words! It can’t be done!”

Lemon wrote “pizza is good” on a notebook. “You were saying?”

” I have to admire your stupidity, Lemon,”sighed Nightshade.

” I agree,” said the tiny frog, “ pizza is life, the universe, everything!”

” I thought that was 42,” said Arthur Dent.

”Have you read The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy?” Asked Nightshade.

”Can’t say I have,” said the tiny frog.

”Well anyway,” said a bewildered Lemon, “I knew I could count on Froggy to back me up!”

”Always!” Said Froggy.

Nightshade sighed. “Let’s move on to the next task.”

( If you read The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy this blog post will be very funny.)

Chapter 4: Double Cheats

“For this one I guess we’ll just have to study very hard?”suggested the tiny frog.

” I agree,” said the small yellow cat, “but I disagree. You like learning, Froggy, but I don’t.”

” You contradicted yourself,Lemon,” said a fox. “Besides, Princess Terrett probably told Test-Bot the answers to all the questions. We can’t possibly get a better score. You’re doomed, Lemon.”

Lemon jumped into the air. “Let’s sabotage Test-Bot! Nightshade, you’re clever, why not reprogram it?”

”It’s too well guarded for that, but I have a plan. We can still sabotage Test-Bot.”

The day they took the test, Test-Bot didn’t have a pencil to write with. Lemon scored 31%, but Test-Bot scored 0%.

”Another challenge completed! Whoop whoop!” Lemon yelled.

Chapter 5: Illiteracy

“How will we do this?” Asked the yellow cat.

”Well,” said the fox, “this should be quite easy for you, Lemon. Froggy and I have memorized 28535900 books, you only have to memorize 26.”

Lemon groaned. “This math is making my head hurt, Nightshade.”

”Lemon, that’s not the point. And I didn’t ask you to do any math.”

” I can help!” Said the tiny frog. “Look! The complete Peppa Pig!”

”Good one, Froggy,” said Nightshade, “even Lemon will be able to memorize that!”

“Hey no fair!” Yelled Lemon.

”That sounds wrong,”thought Froggy.

”Grammar, Lemon,” sighed Nightshade.

They memorized 28535927 books. You tell me how many extra books they memorized.

Chapter 6: Athleticism

“Oh, I can do this no problem,” said the yellow cat. “Time me!”

”Uh-are you sure, Lemon?” Asked the tiny frog. “You did get a Z- for PE.”

”Don’t you worry, Froggy!” Said Lemon triumphantly. “I can do it!”

”Ready, get set, go!” Said the fox. Lemon ran toward the finish line.

”Well? How long did I take?” Asked Lemon.

”2 hours, 25 minutes and 56 seconds.” Said the fox.

“I think your stopwatch broke, Nightshade,” said Lemon.

” It didn’t break. And Froggy is asleep.”

”Huh? What’s that?” Asked a sleepy Froggy. “I tried to count the seconds but fell asleep at 86.”

” You’re not very athletic,Lemon,” said Nightshade, “but to be fair even I can’t run 50 meters in 7 seconds.”

” HA!” Said Lemon.

” I can do it in 7.0002 seconds though.”

Lemon looked embarrassed.

” I can help you run faster,” said Nightshade, “wear these shoes. They enhance performance so much that they were banned from the Olympics!”

Lemon completed the challenge. “What’s next?” He asked.

Chapter 7: TV is the Answer

“Tricky,” muttered the fox, “but I have a plan.”

“Really, Nightshade? You have a plan?” The yellow cat was skeptical.

“There is always a loophole, Lemon,” replied Nightshade, “and I think I’ve found it.”

“I like where this is headed,” whispered the small frog.

“The rules don’t say you have to watch the lecture, do they?”

“Ooh, I knew I liked where this was headed,” said the small frog.

“Froggy, can you get the TV specs?” Nightshade asked.

“Uhhh…” said Lemon. “What’s a ‘TV specs’?”

“You wear them, and it feels like you’re watching TV,” explained Nightshade.

“Oh…OH! Right!”

Princess Terrett was amazed that Lemon seemed to be interested in her lecture.

Chapter 8: Flattering Art

“Okay, how is this possible?” The fox paced the floor.

”No worries, Nightshade,” the yellow cat insisted. “I am very very super talented at drawing. I don’t even need to look at Princess Terrett to draw a 30,000,000% accurate picture of her.”

“Really,”  Nightshade said skeptically. “The self portrait you drew a while ago looked like a chicken’s ass, Lemon.”

Lemon pretended to not hear Nightshade and started making marks on a sheet of paper. Half a minute later, he was done. Nightshade and Froggy peered at the mess of pink lines.

”What!? Is!? That!?” Nightshade had a minor stroke in the vision department of her brain.

”I think I know how to win this challenge for Lemon!” Froggy grinned. “We just flatter Princess Terrett as much as possible and she’ll let us win, right?”

”Froggy you are a genius,” complimented Nightshade. “That is how we’ll save Lemon’s skin. You should do the art though, he’s hopeless.”

Froggy nodded and got to work.

Princess Terrett saw the beautiful flattering picture and immediately declared Lemon’s team successful. The team hi-fived.

Chapter 9: Classroom Chaos

“Survive one night in a classroom. Nothing difficult about that,” Lemon says. “It’s just a classroom. What could go wrong?”

”You are forgetting one thing,Lemon.” Nightshade reminded him. “This is Princess Terrett’s classroom, not just any old classroom.”

”So?” Lemon said.

”But Lemon,” Froggy said, “ Princess Terrett is known to have a Summative Assessment Monster. Who knows what else she might have?”

”We need to prepare you for the worst, Lemon.” Nightshade advised. “We should pack you with a torch, blankets, a tent— no, you don’t know how to use them. Snacks, a drink, a weapon you can’t really hurt yourself on, like a water gun, toilet paper, and one of Froggy’s exam papers.”

”Why one of my exam papers?” Froggy asks.

”Well,” Nightshade replied, “Most of Princess Terrett’s creatures are rendered helpless by a perfect score, like when you wave a cross at a vampire.”

”Then Lemon can use all of my exam papers. I got pretty good scores recently.”

Lemon did not have anything useful to add, and once the sun started to go down went inside Princess Terrett’s classroom. He started by finding a safe spot, then once he had confirmed it was safe surrounded it with Froggy’s exam papers. He sat down and covered himself with the blanket. Suddenly the lights turned off and Lemon was very glad his mates had given him a torch. Lemon tried to go to sleep but found he was hungry. He checked what Froggy and Nightshade had given him, and found dried seaweed. Lemon was very hungry though, so he ate it anyways. Lemon went to sleep and when he woke up again it was midnight. Twelve of Princess Terrett’s monsters were staring at him with big glowing eyes. Lemon screamed.

The monsters didn’t move.

Lemon screamed again.

The monsters still didn’t move.

Lemon screamed in a very confused manner.

The monsters seemed to be slowly moving back. Lemon thought his screams had scared them off, but it was in fact Froggy’s exam papers that did the trick. For good measure, Lemon squirted water at the monsters with his water gun and hit one of the exam papers.

The monsters got a bit closer.

Lemon made a gormless confused face at the monsters for half an hour, then finally realized Froggy’s exam papers were the only things protecting him. He then slept for the rest of the night.

The next morning, Princess Terrett found her monsters trying to get at a sleeping, extremely protected Lemon. She was outraged. Booting Lemon out of her classroom didn’t even help improve her mood. But now Lemon could proceed to the next challenge.

Chapter 10: City Climb

“We got a list of rules for this one,” commented Froggy, looking at the huge list of rules Princess Terrett had given them. “So we aren’t allowed to use the lift, a plane, ladders, camels, teleportation, siege towers, …” Froggy proceeded to spend the next two hours reading Princess Terrett’s list. “So, the only way we can climb is with our bare hands.”

”I’m doomed,” moaned Lemon.

“Actually,” Nightshade corrected, “You are not. That lengthy list didn’t say, ‘no safety rope,’ did it?”

”You were actually listening?” Froggy said in surprise.

”With the safety rope, even if you fall you’ll be fine.”

”Ooookaaaaay,” Lemon said doubtfully.

It took Lemon 47 tries and 8 days to succeed, even with the safety rope. By the time he reached the top, he was a nervous wreck and Princess Terrett was seething with fury.

Chapter 11: Catastrophic Codes

“Code,” said Nightshade.

”What?” Asked Lemon.

”You need to learn a code language.”

”Whattt?”

Nightshade sighed. “It’s not a difficult concept to grasp, Lemon.”

”But Nightshade,” Froggy said, “we’re supposed to learn a language, not a code.”

”Code languages, Froggy.”

”Oh.”

Froggy and Nightshade decided to teach Lemon a Caesar cipher, since Caesar ciphers are relatively easy to explain.

”This Caesar cipher,” Nightshade told Lemon, “replaces a letter with the letter after it in the alphabet. For example A would be B, B would be C and so on.”

”So, would Z be “now you know your ABC?” Lemon asked with a knowing smile.

”That is not a letter. Z would be A.” Seeing Lemon’s confused face Nightshade decided to make it so infuriatingly simple that an amoeba could understand.”It’s on a wraparound, like a loop. When you get to the end and go a bit further, you end up back at the start.”

Lemon still looked lost.

Nightshade sighed. “You have less brainpower than one square centimeter of dead pondweed. You’re lucky me and Froggy have been helping you, but we can’t implant this concept into your brain. You need to try harder. I’m going to tell you right now, I won’t stop forcing this into your head until you learn it.”

Eventually, it took six hours to make Lemon understand the concept of a Caesar cipher and eight hours to memorize it. Princess Terrett actually thought Lemon struggling to pronounce Caesar cipher sentences was a new language and let them pass the challenge.

Chapter 12: The Princess’s Toenails

“This one’s relatively tame,” commented Nightshade. “All you have to do is cut her toenails, Lemon. Simple.”

Lemon groaned. “Have you seen Princess Terrett’s toenails? They have about thirty years of grime and muck stuck under them AND they’re about six inches long. And all fragile and yellow and cracked. It’s a method of torture!”

Froggy looked shocked. She had made the mistake of visualizing Lemon’s description.

Nightshade snorted. “Use garden shears. You won’t have to get close and you won’t have to dig around in all the filth. If she complains tell her there weren’t any rules on what tool to use. Just make sure you don’t give her anything to complain about.”

”We have gardening shears?” Lemon asked in disbelief.

”Lemon,” Froggy said, “Me and Nightshade use them for trimming the hedge. They’re in very good condition! We use them all the time, how do you not know that they exist?”

”He hates dirt and therefore anything that grows in the dirt. You should of course know that’s a logical fallacy.” Nightshade said sourly. “This is, however, beside the point. The gardening shears are in the shed, get them and go cut a princess’s toenails.”

”Uh, yeah. One small problem,” said Lemon.

”What is it?” Froggy asked.

”Where’s the shed?”

Froggy and Nightshade stared at Lemon in disbelief.

”Have you never been in the garden before?” Nightshade asked. “The shed, you can’t really miss it.”

Lemon, after much searching, found the shed (and garden shears) and went to cut Princess Terrett’s toenails. Princess Terrett was just glad she could manipulate an idiot into cutting her toenails for her so she didn’t have to do it herself.

”One more task checked off the list!” Froggy commented.

Chapter 13: Dirty Royal Car

“So, I need to wash Princess Terrett’s mobile phone?” Lemon asked uncertainly.

“No, you need to wash her car,” Froggy corrected. “It’s pronounced mo-bil, like the Batmobile or something.”

”Just wash her car.” Nightshade added. “This one is really tame. Just use a garden hose and some special soap. Simple.”

Lemon felt a little less stressed — until he saw Princess Terrett had sabotaged him by driving through a bog. He groaned. In the distance, Princess Terrett laughed in a very manic and supervillain-ish way.

Froggy felt really bad for Lemon so she got a bucket of water and helped wash the first coat of dirt off. Nightshade got a sponge and scrubbed at some of the more stubborn patches of muck. Empowered by the support of his friends, Lemon found new hope and together, the three of them washed the Princessmobile so well it shone in less than a day.

Princess Terrett seethed with rage.

Chapter 14: The Monstrous Finalé

“This is your last chance, annoying cat,” Princess Terrett said menacingly. “If you fail, all your hard work will be wasted. But since I am a good person, I will let your friends fight the SA monster alongside you. But if you lose this challenge, you lose your life.”

Princess Terrett turned to Lemon’s friends. “You two, I admire your dedication to this dead weight. But if you help him, and he fails the challenge, you suffer the same fate as he does. I am giving you a way out though, you can choose not to support your feline idiot and when he dies, escape unscathed.”

Froggy shook her head. “It wouldn’t be the same without Lemon, and we can’t just abandon him when he needs us most! We’re a trio, and you can’t split us up!”

”All this for a ripped skirt,” Nightshade muttered.

Lemon could not have agreed more.

Princess Terrett grabbed Lemon by the collar and plonked him near one goal of the school football pitch. In front of the other football goal, snarling, was the dreaded Monster of the Summative Assessments.

Its eyes were as red as a broken red pen that bled ink all over a piece of red card and its armour was hard, made of years and years of summative work papier-mâchéd together.

The beast stretched its neck to the sky and roared deafeningly. Princess Terrett announced the rules:

”If you can leave the school, you win and your debt is officially paid off. If not, well… my SA monster will have some fun with you.”

”The way she said that feels very ominous!” Froggy squeaked.

Suddenly and without warning, the monster charged. The heroes (plus Lemon) dodged, and the monster rammed into the football goal with such force its horns got stuck in the net. The heroes (plus Lemon) took this opportunity to run for the school gate.

Then, they heard a primal roar from behind them. The Summative Assessment monster had broken loose and was chasing them again!

”I’ll go distract it!” Froggy screams as she hops toward the monster. “It’s the only way we can escape!”

She kicks gravel at the SA monster, enraging it. The monster charges at her full-pelt as she quickly hops towards a building labeled ‘Natatorium’.

Meanwhile, Lemon and Nightshade had, to their dismay, found Princess Terrett had put barbed wire on top of the fence and the metal gate had been welded together. It would not budge.

Nightshade kicked it. “Nasty cheating woman,” she commented angrily. She thought back at the force when the SA monster collided with the football net.

”I have an idea, but you won’t like it.”

Froggy had just managed to get into the middle of the swimming pool and decided to take a breather.

”After all, the monster’s armour is made of paper,” she thought. “It will melt in the water.”

Then, to her horror, the monster started wading into the pool after her! Froggy regretted making it so angry. She swam to the far end of the pool, cornered. She did, however, notice the beast’s armour was melting off it. She was hopeful her sacrifice would help her friends escape, when a pool noodle came flying through the air and bonked the SA monster’s head.

”Lemon!” Froggy gasped. Subconsciously, she was wondering how Lemon had thrown so perfectly when usually, he could try and throw a basketball on the ground and miss.

The SA monster, so enraged it was practically boiling, tried to charge at Lemon. The effect was rather spoiled by how the dissolved paper in the water was slowing it down, but that bought Froggy and Lemon enough time to exit the Natatorium and try to find Nightshade.

”So, why didn’t you leave?” Froggy asked.

”The gates were closed.” Lemon replied.

They ran quickly to the gate where Nightshade was. She had moved to a part of the fence.

”Lemon! Froggy!” She yelled. “Stand in front of the fence and wait for the monster to charge! Move at the last second!”

The others moved into place. Lemon was silently questioning the safety of the situation, but reminded himself it was his fault anyway so he shouldn’t complain about Nightshade’s plan.

With a crash and a roar (and a splat from wet papier-mâché) the SA monster came into view. It stopped and stared at them, seething with fury.

It moved back a few meters, scraped its hind legs and charged.

”NOW!” Nightshade screamed, jumping out of the way.

The others did the same. The part of the fence they had been standing in front of was a weak spot. The SA monster burst straight through and got stuck in the barbed wire. Without its armour, the barbed wire cut deep wounds in the monster’s flesh. It howled and lay down, defeated.

It then only took a minute to climb over the wreckage and escape Princess Terrett’s school. They didn’t wait for Princess Terrett, they just went back to their home.

Lemon lay down on the sofa. “I’m not moving in forty years!” He declared.

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